Why do the Chi for Two practices for romantic partners remind me of Imago therapy?
Starting in 1980, Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt developed Imago therapy for couples. Hendrix created the idea of Imago from the Latin word for image and used it to help couples identify unconscious images of familiar love.
In his book Getting the Love You Want, Hendrix helped couples understand how we pick romantic partners. We unconsciously pick romantic partners with whom we can work through unresolved issues that we have with our families of origin. Therefore, our partners have characteristics of our parents or qualities we have repressed within ourselves in order to get along with our parents.
In 1985, Dee Wagner, the originator of Chi for Two, began using Hendrix’s book Getting the Love you Want for help with marriage struggles. In 1993, Wagner became a counselor and began using Imago therapy with clients. By the time Chi for Two was developed, Imago techniques were so natural for Wagner, there are many similarities between the methods.
Imago therapy teaches couples communication techniques for reflective listening, requesting behavior changes and listening to a partners’ venting. Aspects of Imago are foundational in Chi for Two.
In Chi for Two, we add awareness of nervous system anatomy that did not exist in until 2009 when Stephen Porges created polyvagal theory. We now know that the nervous system functioning Porges calls Shut-down inhibits movement expressions that our parents cannot manage starting in infancy.
Chi for Two draws from understanding of multi-generational trauma that came from the Adverse Childhood Experiences study (ACEs) discussed in Karr-Morse’s book Scared Sick: The Role of Childhood Trauma in Adult Disease. With this understanding, we recognize that parents are not able to manage movement expressions in their children when their parents were not able to manage those movement expressions in them.
Chi for Two practices for romantic partners allow lovers to slow down the romantic dance, making space for mindfulness of communication patterns. Chi for Two practices invite:
Body awareness
Repatterning of the infant attachment dances in which we develop our nervous system functioning
Appreciation of conflict from a polyvagal-informed perspective like Resmaa Menekem’s in his book for couples called Rock the Boat: Using Conflict to Heal and Deepen Your Relationship
Movement toward sexual satisfaction drawn from Esther Perel’s book Mating in Captivity and Wendy Maltz’s book The Sexual Healing Journey
The dance of recovery in relationships where there is addiction
Chi for Twoembodiment coach Anne Contee is a long-time certified Imago therapist and certified Nature Therapist. Contee brings Imago therapy, Nature Therapy andChi for Twoembodiment coaching together because they have many similarities.
